Are You Saving Enough Money for THIS?

SAVING FOR YOUR CHILD’S EMOTIONAL FUTURE I have a little joke with myself and friends. When we talk about saving for our children’s future I always say, “I have their college savings, and the other jar—the one for their therapy.” People often laugh. I can tell they get a little uncomfortable at the thought that…

Show Notes

SAVING FOR YOUR CHILD’S EMOTIONAL FUTURE

I have a little joke with myself and friends. When we talk about saving for our children’s future I always say, “I have their college savings, and the other jar—the one for their therapy.” People often laugh. I can tell they get a little uncomfortable at the thought that “their child” might ever need therapy, as if in some way that is a reflection on them as a person or as a failure of a parent.

Here’s the deal, sometimes it is a reflection on them (which is not necessarily the worst thing) but sometimes it’s not. You could have an idyllic childhood or one wroght with trauma, heartache and pain.

The bottom line is this: if you are human, you have experienced trials and tribulations. For some people life is easier than for others. At some point your child will likely experience something that throws them for a loop; it might be a death, a breakup, a C on their first exam. It might be rape or illness or just feeling lost and a bit disconnected.Somehow, as parents, we have lost our way in terms of protecting our children.

Of course, as parents it is our job to protect our children, but what are we protecting them from? That’s the real question.

Angela Duckworth, a psychologist who has conducted research on success has shown that “grit is one factor that leads to achievement.” While we cannot induce situations that present obstacles for our children, we also cannot remove the obstacles when they get in our child’s way.

We can guide them to maneuver over or around obstacles. However, we are doing a tremendous disservice to pick them up and carry them so they don’t have to experience pain. It seems it’s become our parenting philosophy – that if our children feel pain then we have failed to protect them – which has become job description #1.

I can tell you with confidence that allowing our children to feel pain and to sit with them in that pain is the best thing we can do for our kids.

I can also tell you that even though I sit with people in their pain everyday, when it is your own child it is INCREDIBLY painful. But honestly, this is what our children want and need. I will often ask my daughter when she is talking to me about a situation at school, “Do you want me to try to help you fix this or just listen?” 9 times out of 10 she says, “just listen” and it’s tough.

My hope in doing this, is that she will recognize that I can tolerate her pain and hopefully she will learn that this too will pass.

I hope she will also learn that there are people who can listen to her. If it not me, then hopefully, I have given her the skills and ability to know when she needs to ask someone else for help. That person just might be a therapist.

Does that mean I failed as a parent because my child or children need therapy? I choose to believe it means I was successful enough to show my children that there are other people out there who can help.So, the take-home here is start saving for your child’s therapy today, I promise, your kids will need it (and maybe even thank you for it).

Connection challenge: Sign up for my blog post and get my weekly connection challenges. Many of these are ideas taken out of sessions with my patients.

My Perspective from BOTH Sides of the Couch “It all becomes beautiful when you know yourself”-Unknown This was the quote I saw every Wednesday at 12:55 pm for almost 7 years. Where did I go every Wednesday for 7 years at the same time you wonder? That’s easy: therapy, where else? But, I hesitated sharing…

Show Notes

My Perspective from BOTH Sides of the Couch

“It all becomes beautiful when you know yourself”-Unknown

This was the quote I saw every Wednesday at 12:55 pm for almost 7 years. Where did I go every Wednesday for 7 years at the same time you wonder? That’s easy: therapy, where else? But, I hesitated sharing this…

As a therapist, I was trained to be “a blank slate.” Patients come to us and project their wishes, fantasies and desires, and as the theory goes (simplified of course), it is our job to help them make their unconscious conscious.

Knowing about your therapist has the potential to muddy those waters.(Again, this is the type of therapy I was trained to practice. I am not suggesting this is the only therapy or the only one that works, hence why I am writing this post.) Therefore, if I shared with the world (and I am sure at some point a patient or future patient will read this), then they will know… I have been in therapy.

“So what? Who cares!” you say, and honestly that’s what I say now too! As a therapist if I cannot proudly proclaim I have been in therapy (for a long time – 7 years was my last stint), then why should anyone trust me?I know the process of therapy from both sides of the couch. I know what it feels like to be open and raw and vulnerable and scared with someone who I know very little about.

I know what it feels like to sit on the other side of the couch and have someone feel that way with me. I can honestly say I truly understand each of those feelings.

I know the circumstances are always different, and why someone is in therapy is different than my reasons for going.

What I can tell you definitively is that the changes I experienced were transformative and life changing. And, I have seen similar changes be transformative and life changing for others. Therefore, I am not truly doing my part in helping people if I shy away from talking about it.

I am realistic too. I know that therapy is not for everyone. I know that some people think it’s a waste of time and money, and everyone deserves their own opinion on the topic.

That said, think of how much time you invest in everyone else in your life. Think about the time you invest in your friends; the dinners, the calls, walks, however you spend the time getting to know them.

Think about the time you invest in your partner or people with whom you have thought about possibly being a partner, only to get to know them and realize it is not the right fit.

Think about the time you have invested in your family, taking care of your parents, siblings or children.

Now think about the time you have invested in yourself. How much time have you actually sat with yourself? How much time have you taken to get to know who you really are? Because once you do, I can promise you… “It all becomes beautiful … when you know yourself.”

Connection Challenge: A connection challenge it a question to get you thinking about how to get more connected to yourself each week? Where is it? You can only get it by signing up forms newsletter below. Come join me on this journey to greater connection.

Emotional Health